Social media has been an incredible resource for connecting with people and families on similar journeys. It’s given me access to research and communities I wouldn’t have found otherwise. And then there are the posts that hit the proverbial nail on the head regarding the negative burden we place, however sincere and loving our intentions, on individuals through our ignorance, misunderstanding, and intolerance. The following except highlights one of those instances.
Oregon Behavior Consultation posted on Facebook, “Not all children have the same brains, and it’s not for anyone to dissuade them from how they learn, play, and explore the world.” Hear! Hear! Along with that post, he shared a screenshot of a twitter exchange of an important question and Steve Silberman’s insightful response.
Sara Luterman (@slooterman) asked, “What actually is the evidence base for discouraging autistic kids from lining up objects and encouraging pretend play?” Steve Silberman (@stevesilberman) replied, “I honestly think it’s an unexamined holdover of Lovaas’ bogus conviction that distinctively autistic behavior blocks learning. It’s been disproven multiple times for decades.”
It makes me sad when I see and hear parents discouraging their children’s non-harmful, self-soothing behaviors. One mom I know said it drives her crazy how much her daughter focuses on lining up toys. I imagine it’s incredibly frustrating for her child to be constantly scolded and redirected. This inevitably leads to masking.
Acceptance of unique preferences and respect for individual choice are the antidotes to intolerance. We all deserve at least that much. Let us be who we are! If a behavior irritates, but has no negative impact on you, dig a little into your personal baggage and figure out why you need to control someone else.
It’s important to ask:
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Does it help them or you?
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Does it hurt them?
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Does it bring joy, even if you don’t know why it would?